Thursday, January 31, 2008

I forgot what a tog is, but I'll never forget you.

Somebody read my blog.

Unprecedented.

You may leave comments, but keep it content-free. And cryptic.

In the year 1892, Jon Smith landed in America and invented colors. At first, he only invented three colors - Red, White, and Blue - which thus became the colors of the American flag (Canadians, impatient, made their flag before blue was finished). Soon, it was discovered that by combining these colors in just the right quantities, one could create the sound of horns, hot bass lines, and switch the downbeat and the upbeat. And thus the age of big pimpin' arrived. The next year, Ben Franklin discovered electricity, creating the color yellow. Then Ben Franklin was bitten by a radioactive Mexican wrestler, which caused him to grow big and powerful, creating the color green, which allowed for such innovations as Godzilla, frogs, and green tea, which had previously been colored purple.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Would you make a log of my blog?

I will make a blog of your log.  

What is a tog?  

Neat.  I'm going to use that in conversation, starting now.  

Monday, January 21, 2008

$39.79

Oo.  There are gummy bears on the floor.  

Gummy bears originated in Germany, where they coated real bears in sugar.  This method was found to be ineffective, so they tried shouting at the bears to lower their self esteem, only to find that this process made them no gummier.  Fortunately, these laughably obsolete methods were cast aside, and gummy bears today are procured in much the same way as they have always been:  through praying.  

New Post

Some of the most helpful advice I ever received was, "You can never use too much butter."  I can't say it was very helpful, but when I weigh it against everything else, it stacks up rather well.  

I feel the need to actually chronicle my various adventures in here.  But that would threaten this gloriously content-free atmosphere.  Which is probably against the law.  My law.  

Also, I haven't had any adventures.  

La.  

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This is just like a game for me.

If I keep posting, maybe I'll get the high score.  

I can really do anything.

This one's about trees.  

I like trees,
But some are full of trees,
And although I think that that's just dandy
And sometimes even handy
I question
That God's decision to allow bees to inhabit arboreal life was the best one.  

Now that all of my personal information is on the internet, I guess I'm a wanted terrorist.  Oh, well.  

How many tags can I put on a post?

Let's find out!

First Post

I really like cats.  But when cats aren't around, isn't that a bad thing?  To express my feelings, I wrote a poem on the subject.  Actually, I am composing it on the spot now.  But I am convinced that it existed in my head long before I was even born, as an imprint in the universe.  Such was its greatness.  

I think it's rather unimportant that
Right now I write a poem about a cat.  
There's already a lot of angsty poems
Written by angsty teens in trailer homes
That wind up in a blog, few of them good
(Guess now they know why they're misunderstood).  
This poem isn't about cats at all.  
And, starting now, it doesn't even rhyme.  

I just wrote a poem about a poem about a cat... if you can call it a poem.  After all, can such an artistic achievement be ascribed to a simple noun?  I think not.  

I have nothing witty or interesting to say.  But I'm still going to make another post.  

All the good blog names are taken, and all of the cool people who took them posted once and never came back.

That's why I'm going to post twice.  Once now, and once more right after now.  

The only label for this post will be booyah.  All caps.  Followed by two exclamation points and an ampersand.