Rice

Dream.

Toes of Trepidation

I was on a plane the other day. It was pretty scared. When I got off the plane, I realized that it hadn't taken off yet. Well, that was no good. So I took off for it. What I took off is still a subject of perfunctory study.

When I was on the plane, I was asked by the stewardesses if I would like some tea. None of the stewardesses were bears, which was a little disconcerting, it being so high up. So I answered, "No thank you, I do not want any tea." That was, you see, my existential state. The problem is that I really did want tea, only I knew, from a scientific standpoint, that I didn't. These things can be ascertained, you know.

So I jumped. What else was I supposed to do?

On my way down, I began to pass clouds. After a while, though, they had run out, so I started to pass other things. I passed a dragon, a canoe, some small cakes, and a guy I could have sworn was a sandwich, if I could have sworn. Everyone was very friendly.

Looking back on these events in my later years, as I am wont to imagine that I am the type of person who occasionally happens to do that I am, it all seems very hazy to me, but also very wistful. Maybe this is because I did not clean my glasses, but I think it's more likely that I forgot to clean the world.

What sort of a rag do you use to clean the world? And does it come in pink? Can you buy it at a grocer's? Will he give you a discount? If so, would you like to do it for me? I could really use a discount, I suppose.

Maybe they have pink ones in Japan, but I don't think they sell them that way here. Or maybe it's all just a joke.

It wasn't very funny. And yet I can't stop laughing.

Could it be?

How could it not?

Yes it was. It was indeed. When it occurred, I noted it. And now I'm here to tell you all that it not only could, but did, and will again, and has already.

Face Mecca. Take two steps to the left. Twirl. Clap. Two steps back. Step to the right. Turn around. Swing your leg out. Clap.

Describe it to me.

I didn't take a nap today. It was ludicrously exhausting. I didn't dream that I was in a giant goldfish bowl, surrounded by manta rays. None of the manta rays had NASCAR logos tattooed onto them. That would have been tacky. Or so I have been told.

One of the manta rays didn't swim up to me. He asked me, "Where is the butter?"

I didn't reply, "I don't know. Did you check the fridge?"

He did not assure me that there were no fridges underwater.

A while later, a bear was not swimming up to me. I did not approach the bear calmly and ask, "Where is the butter?"

To which he did not reply, "Can't you read? No solicitors." And the bear did not go on her merry way.

Some day, I pray that I will find the butter. When that day comes, life will not be limited to butter. I will also read a great novel. This will be my endeavor. Until that day comes, however, I prey.

In other news, some things don't have any inherent symbolism. As Freud once said, "I think I'll have just one more and then call it a night."

Or was he?

Yes.  Yes he was.  

The Book of Revelations

From this day forward, this blog will be very religious.  We'll be sure to mention Jesus a lot and use the royal we.  Gaps between posts are not laziness, they are prayer breaks.  Yes, yes, yes.  And no.  No, to that one.  But also yes.  

I would like to offer you a psalm.  But I can't.  

Here is where I would write the psalm:  






It's very pretty.  It's too bad that no one will get to read it again.  

I would like to offer a palm.  But I can't.  

Here is where I would put the palm:  Everywhere.  

I considered eating a lot of food today, but instead I just did it.  Thinking only makes you feel so full.  Jesus can do the rest.  Jesus and food.  Food and Jesus.  

The more animals that I mention in this blog, the more points I score.  How many pants do you have?  Do you have as many as I do?  If so, how did you score them?  

Jesus was a cougar.  

Big and also large

There is a tree growing out of my windowpane.  I think that I will name it Bob, after Bob Dole and Nathaniel Hawthorne, two people who excelled where the other could not.  

A lot of things are repeating today.  Like numbers, for example.  You may find that the same numbers keep popping up in your soup.  I know that the same numbers keep popping up for me in your soup.  There are lots of them.  A few begin with commas.  

Rumor has it that earthquakes can be used to measure success.  It doesn't have anything to do with the maginitude or how many earthquakes.  Success depends entirely upon the soul of an earthquake.  The best kind is mint.  

Today's sky is brought to you by the color red.  That's spelled with two d's and only one h.  

And now a poem:  

Life is made of lots of junk,
But also lots of stuff.  
Sometimes you get junk for your stuff,
And sometimes junk for stuff.  

When I was strolling yesterday
I turned into a bear.  
It wasn't too upsetting, but
It means that I can't type.  

They say bears like honey a lot,
I think they like other bears.  
Seriously, if you were a bear,
Would you put honey before your comrade's life?  

If you really are a bear,
Please write in and answer this question.  
I'm actually super curious.