God doesn't care.

Deborah was her name. She was made of cream. She was my secret dream. She worked at a company called BLEEM. Where she was a secretary.

She used to make coats. Her coats were the most fantastic coats. They didn't even exist, usually, or at the very best they tried really hard not to, which you have to admire. Sometimes they would have more buttons than buttonholes; other times, they would have more buttonholes than buttons. Sometimes, they would even secretly be hats. Whatever the case, everything would be misproportioned and crumbly. Somewhat like a cat.

That was when Deborah lied to me.

She told me that there was spaghetti. But that morning there was no spaghetti. Only blood.

And blood cannot be twirled around a fork. Not under Montana law.

So I had to leave. What else could I do?

But sometimes I think about mountains. Mountains are very large. Sometimes I sit at the bottom of mountains. And at these times I go, "Mountain, where is your wallet?" But the mountain does not run away. The mountain can afford a Segway.

I cannot even afford a decent sandwich. Not without clapping a lot, anyway.

The point is, I used to think it was so cool. And all that stuff was just like, whoa. But today, I know that there's not really that much you can do to get discount cigars on this Earth. You have to plead for them.

But that only makes Deborah laugh harder. She laughs like a goat takes steroids. And that is simply impolite.

When you think about table manners, do you remember your religious values? How are you supposed to use a fork without considering God? Perhaps God is the fork. He is also a lion and a puma. There are so many types of cats, and God is all of them. Even a fork.

Do not let Deborah teach you table manners. Read your Bible, instead. It is more delicious. I know this from my own experience.

Barack Obama used to be a fish, before he learned how to tie his tie properly. But sometimes he does it wrong, just for kicks.

Do not let Barack Obama teach you table manners. He will kick you. I know this from my own neck's bleary aunts.

I just crushed another television with my toe. It was rather painful, for the television. Hopefully, I will not run into any trouble. But that should not be a worry, since I am wearing such a costly watch.

I have been watching a lot of news lately. This is very difficult. News is like quantum mechanics. If you don't split the banana, it just doesn't work.

Quantum mechanics is not at all like table manners. Barack Obama can teach it to you, no problem.

But that will not save you. Not for long. And that is why we must not forget.